Anger Management

Anger Management; some say it is the bridge between sanity and insanity. We are expected to maintain our "anger" on a daily basis, for most, it is easier said than done. Unfortunately, on an average day, we, at some point in time encounter the asshole. That sets the domino affect in play. And that asshole had another asshole before them, that knocked his/her day all to hell, prior to them corrupting your day. The majority of us innocent bystanders have had the pleasure of encountering multiple jerk-offs per day, which in turn, infects us with the asshole virus! So, on an average, statistically speaking; to every one human there is at least two more ready to piss in ur cheerios! So answer me this, if we are constantly surrounded by this, how can we be expected to manage our anger?


They say, "take a deep breath", "count to thirty", what good is this gonna do when your  boss is making you scrub the toilets at your local Quick-e-Mart where it seems as if only the homeless alcoholics come to relieve them selves of what ever foul bowl that moves them (pun intended)?! You think to your self maybe; before you pull out your scrub brush and mop... you should get a small sample of the green stuff you found splattered on the wall behind the toilet for your boss to asses during his morning coffee, rather in his coffee.

Then there is the infamous "walk away" technique, that is obviously used by those who have nothing better to do with their time. We can't just walk away every time we get pissed. In most cases, it is physically impossible. Society expects us to sit there and take it up the ass by whomever; the boss, the mormon lady at the door, the fat ass that stands next to you in the elevator (he smells like rotten toe fungus and you cant tell him because your too deathly afraid what will happen when he opens his mouth) or even that jerk that cut you off on the way to work... How in the hell are you supposed to "walk away" from that? You could do multiple other things like, run him off the road, pin him against the guardrail, pull your pants to ur knees and do a drive by mooning, but noooo ... this isnt socially acceptable, in fact you could get fined for such behavior. So you result in waving that wimpy little middle finger hoping it creates just as much chaos in his day as his actions did in yours. Truth is, none of these things are acceptable in societies eyes... yet they are the ones that create these damn assholes in the first place. Hence why anger management was founded.



Through our finds in human behavior we have found that the following techniques should be taken into account upon further rising of an angry situation;



1)Take a deep breath and reminisce on that old Tom Hanks movie and remember that "life is like a box of assholes, you never know which one smells like a rose"



2)You can learn from chester cheeto, hes our friend! But I'd use the puffed ones instead.



3)Dont try to drive it off, in fact, its best if you never get behind the wheel of any vehicles or large industrial equipment.... its like releasing a war head in a small village.



4)Grab your pillow, take a deep breath, press the pillow firmly to your face and scream as loud and as long as you can.... and if that doesn't work, keep doing it until you pass out!

5)If the state passes the Medical Marijuana bill, you may have a valid medical reason for a monthly prescription of a certain cannabis type.

Written by: Laurissa A. Thumma - Newest council member.